Gods Among Men
by LovelyLittleMudblood
Summary: "he wont remember he loves you, Hermione, he wont want anything to do with you, he wont be the Draco that we lost, he will be the Malfoy that hated you for so long" "i know" she smiled sadly "but he will be alive."
1. intro

its so cold…cold like only so many layers of ice and snow and love and lies and tears and hate can be…the thoughts of the damned keep pelting the windows and they say "tat tat tat love him tat tat tat hate him tat tat tat bring him back tata tat tata tat tata fucking tat …" and she is the only one who seems to notice. the quill is no longer mightier than the magic and the magic is more terrifying than ever before. its all in her hands and she dont know if she is scared or relieved or glad. she knocked down her idols and became Satan in their place. She can barely fucking think...fingers like ice and sandpaper skin...sand...sandman...bring her a dream. just one fucking dream, sandman, it wouldn't take much of your time. just one small oasis in this frozen tundra of hatred and fear and oh, she can feel him breathing down her neck...then she turns around and he's gone and she cant feel anything any more or ever again. She know he is close, and this is her last chance. She hopes she can finish it for posterity or prosperity or insincerity, the more she thinks the less it matters. it has to be known and the covers been blown and this poetry is a worthless bundle of prose and foes and icicles clinging to the end of her nose...if you find this, you must read it. if you read it, you must pass it along. it will come to him eventually and he will know... it all started as some kind of sick game... no before that... begin with the beginning, the true beginning for her and him and everyone else. the beginning of life and the change and the sequence of events and here we are now... you don't understand her yet but don't fret... you will...because only someone like Hermione Granger would risk everything to bring some one like Draco Malfoy back to life.


	2. there has been an accident

That day was more like a dream, really. A long dream, a sad dream, a dream that begins gradually and ends all at once.

"Hermione…..there has been an accident…" Luna's words play over and over in her mind.

What kind of accident… Cerin is here in her arms… so he is fine… Harry , Ron, Ginny Blaise and Luna are all staring at her so they are fine… Draco is at …wait where is Draco?

" Draco?" her voice sound almost distant even to herself. she can feel herself shutting down, she already knows the answer she already knows what kind of accident… there was only one kind of accident that would require every one closest to her, to come together in her office, to tell her there has been an accident.

"where is Draco?" She says as she stands and puts Cerin on the floor to knows the look her friends are giving her . she looks at Harry then at Blaise There's a fear she hasn't seen from him yet, a pity mixed with grief, and maybe that's what finally makes her pay attention. Dark eyes stare into Hers trying desperately to convey a message, face remaining grim, mouth in a thin straight line as he stands in front of Her shoulders slumped and jaw clenched.

She freezes, her whole body turning rigid as she feel her heart sink in her chest because she recognizes the look that Blaise is giving her. It's a look shes seen a thousand times before. Shes seen that look too many times, hell, shed given that look too many times to unsuspecting families of patients and war victims that weren't supposed to end up the way they had. It was ingrained into her brain, the majority of her worse memories accompanying it. she hates that look, and right now, she hates Blaise for looking at her like that because she knows exactly what it means and no matter how hard she wishes, their isn't anything that's going to change that. Blaise's gaze was burning a hole straight through the middle of whatever life she had managed to build yourself after the war.

"Hermione" He looks desperate, and shes not sure he realizes that his face tells her everything she need to know. And maybe he doesn't, so she continue.

"I know the face," she says, one hand on the the wall while she braces the other on her hip, trying to give off an air of confidence as she feels her mind beginning to spin, knowing that whatever the answer is, she won't like it. she are mad – shes furious at Blaise at harry at that stupid look that every one is giving her and against her better judgment she start ranting.

"I know the face," she continues, shrugging. "Everyone thinks they are the first person in the world to ever look at a human being like that but...it's always the same, where is Draco?"

"im so sorry Hermione"

And she can't do anything but simply look at him, frozen in place as she try to stop her thoughts, try to process his words, she feels her chest tighten and all of a sudden she can't feel anything but black. It's just her and Harry and Blaise and the word that hangs between them, holding the power to tear her apart piece by piece until everything shes ever worked for disappears.

"Hermione... we were attacked, it was a set up" harry says quietly looking anywhere but at her. "we did everything we could and Draco faught.."

"Draco?" she pushes he still wont look at her.

"he didn't make it, Hermione."

Hermione crinkled her nose as her friends looked at her, waiting for her to say something, anything.

"Hermione?" Luna said softy reaching out her hand.

"Draco died" Hermione stated calmly... too calmly as he friends watched her.

"yea" Blaise looked down at his hands, yes he had lost a friend, but this broken Woman in front of him had lost a lover, an almost husband, the father of her son. he couldn't imagine what she was feeling.  
"Draco. Died." she stated again, mater of factly... Blaise never though he would see the day Hermione Granger shattered, but it would seem that today was that day.

"Hermione" Luna said again softly taking her friends hand in her own

"Draco...i cant do this!" Hermione said ripping her hand away and turning to leave.  
"you have to" Blaise whispered grabbing her wrist and pulling her around to face him

"you have to"

"i cant! i don't want to! i cant feel like this!" she screamed at him trying to push him off of her her fists meet his chest as he pulled her into his arms tears spilling down her cheeks as she sunk into his "Draco died... hes dead... hes gone! i cant do this! i cant... i cant... i"

"shhh, i know. i know" Blaise held her tightly letting her small angry fists hit his chest and shoulders, she could hit him all she liked he wasn't going to let her go.

Every crevice in her body is filled with guilt and hurt and most of all pain. She can't breathe, she can't hear, she can't do anything but stand still and absorb everything. grief, and loss and hatred all spill out of her as she crumbles to the ground, finally letting herself come to terms. she screams and she cries and Blaise is there faster than anyone whispering beautiful things to her as she clings to him like her life depends on it. And at this moment, it probably does.


	3. dont talk

As Blaise stepped out of the fireplace all he could see was the disaster that Hermiones home was in, worried he slowly made his way through the large living room to find Hermione in the middle of the room surrounded by broken glass and picture frames and books. Carefully he reaches out to her. Turning into his arms she sobs loudly into his chest. Blaise holds her tightly as if his arms can hold her together as she shatters before them. "shhhh, it will be ok sweet girl" he whispers into her hair "he loved you, merlin, Hermione he loved you" its been days now and she hasn't moved from the spot where she was ripped apart. And he wondered if the tears would ever stop. "tell me, Hermione, tell me about you and Draco" he asked not expecting a response. He was just trying to get her to anything but cry. "tell me how you two found love in each other?"

"love?" Hermione sounded broken and empty.

"yes love, what was it that you loved about him"

"love…" she sat up and pushed herself away from him whipping her eyes as if trying to compose herself .

"I beat him up" she said with a small smile" we were never nice to each other in the beginning….. I got in a huge fight with Harry and Ron… the first time…. And I needed to take it out on some one and… he was right across the hall…." As she spoke she lost herself in the memories .

 _January 6 years before._

 _She tossed and turned and tried to sleep but Her restlessness stayed. So she did the only thing she could do._

 _…_

 _Draco slept lightly. He always had. He slept lightly enough that his body startled when he heard someone turn aside his door nob. His thoughts were too sleep-muddled for him to form a plan of action, but his hand was already on his wand._

 _The intruder paused after closing the door again._

 _"It's me. Don't attack."_

 _Draco groaned quietly and propped himself up on his elbows. "Granger? What in the world are you doing?"_

 _A pair of hands touched his chest, then spider-walked up his body until they framed his face._

 _His tongue was thick and heavy in his mouth as he spoke. "What are you doing?"_

 _Suddenly he could feel the heat of her breath from her nose as she pressed forward. Small lips pressed against his. Without thinking his mouth moved to match hers. The smell of soap and something like flowers but not quite filled his nose. It wasn't how he expected her to smell like. His mind caught up with his body and he quickly shoved her away._

 _He furiously whispered, "What's wrong with you? Have you gone mad?"_

 _"Don't talk. Malfoy"_

 _Her weight pressed him back down again. Hands moved down his neck and he could feel the heat of her breath again on his cheek. Draco grabbed her hair and jerked her head back._

 _"I don't know what game you're playing and neither do you. Stop it."_

 _She dug her nails into his wrist as she tried to free herself. "Or what?"_

 _As Draco pushed her back, he snarled. His foot moved behind hers and yanked. Down she went. He crouched over her. With her free hand, she punched him. Draco let go and stumbled back. What was she playing at, throwing herself at him like a whore, then throwing him off? He reached for his wand again._

 _Before he could recover, Hermione was up again and grabbing his shirt. She pulled him down once more. Still off balance, he had no choice but to fall . He braced himself on his hands, his knees on either side of her legs._

 _"I said Don't talk," she hissed. She grabbed his hand and forced it to her breast. His palm brushed the fabric of her shirt, felt the softness underneath._

 _In the darkness, he couldn't see her eyes. Slowly he moved his hand from her chest up to her face. His fingertips ghosted over her cheeks up to her eyelids. No tears. She was asking this of him without holding anything back. Why in the world she would choose him of all people, he didn't know. He wanted to call her a whore and shove off. Again she stopped him, held him tight like he was the rope and she was hanging over the cliff._

 _Her teeth were sharp on his lip. He grunted and fisted his hand in her hair, yanking a second time. The action didn't stop her from retaliating. Her nails scraped his skin as she wildly pulled at his shirt. The boldness of her actions made him angry. He wanted to show her what a mistake she was making. Perhaps she would even cry. Then he could feel the tears on his fingertips and sneer at her. Call her a whore. Spit on her._

 _They said nothing to each other. There on the ground their clothes made for poor bedding. The random things on his floor dug into their backs and their legs. None of what they did was smooth or comfortable as Draco refused to let her forget who he was just because there was no light. He touched her with rough hands and she gave it all right back. Nothing but hisses and gasps and seeing how far either of them could sink until the point when she bit his shoulder and was not gentle about it. Neither was he. But she should have known better and he wasn't ever going to let her forget what game she had started. He thrust in a hard steady rhythm until she stopped squeezing his arms so hard. When he started to slow, she squeezed again and growled even though she must still have been hurting._

 _The room was filled with the quiet sound of movement and repetitive shifting of cloth and flesh._

 _With a grunt, he brought himself to a finish and rolled to the side. Hermione shifted tentatively. She stifled a whimper as she tried to shift her hips. Everything between her thighs felt raw._

 _"I would have gone easier but you were so insistent on not giving a damn," he said in a flat voice._

 _"I don't give a damn."_

 _He wiped the sweat from his brow. "Neither do I."_


	4. productive over pointless

Blaised watcher Hermione as she lost herself in her memories, and for the first time aloud himself to really feel the pain of her loss… they may have fought and they may have been the most confusing couple to ever walk the magical world, but what they had was no accident and it was seemed as though it had always been there. He had always known Draco had a secret,now he knew with out a doubt that it had been Hermione all along. He listened to her talk to the air around them as she seemed to relive their most treasured and twisted moments.

"I broke his nose, did you know that?"

 _January 6 years before_

 _The next day, they tried to forget the line they had crossed. he could still feel her hot body beneath him, the sadness, the shame, and the fury that saturated their flesh. It would have been different if she'd cried. He would have laughed at her, she knew, and then maybe later vomit in the bushes. She'd fought back, refused to let him go. That had spurred him on. She hadn't cried. No tears, just a concentrated formula of stubbornness mixed with grief and wanted to pass it off as a silly dream. Or a nightmare._

 _He watched her in class she could feel his eyes burning holes in the back of her head._

 _He cursed himself, for last night's events had made an impression on him. Instead of the know-it-all frumpy prudness he usually observed in the girl, all he could imagine now was the softness and the not-quite- flowers smell of her. Needless to say, it was distracting. He'd made a terrible mistake. One that he hoped to repeat._

 _He sat next to her in positions and casually tried to pretend he was ignoring her when all he could think about was bending her over their desk. Suddenly, hermione's body tensed beside him. He followed her gaze and caught a glimpse of red hair on a big young man who was passing by late on his way to class._

 _"Something the matter?" he asked._

 _"No."_

 _Draco breathed out evenly through his nostrils. Somehow, he'd always known that it wouldn't be Potter. He licked his lips. "Have you seen pothead and weaslbee this morning?"_

 _"Don't."_

 _"Don't what?"_

 _Granger looked at him severely. "Don't say anything that will make me want to kill you."_

 _His lower lip twitched. "...For how long?"_

 _Three nights later she came again looking for a fight and he was waiting for her. She punched him again. His nose seemed to explode with pain. He called her a bitch before he decided he preferred his violence productive over pointless. So he leaned forward and continued where they left off. His hands found her waist. Their breathing quickened. Granger balked at first before starting to struggle with his belt. He had his shirt off and was cruelly biting her nipple through fabric before she could stop him. In retaliation she squeezed his manhood too tightly. He bit back a scream and pushed her down._

 _He stroked her until the moisture had gathered, then slid in effortlessly. She gasped right against his ear. It had hurt before, but now it seemed to fill and stretch her in an almost relaxing way. She had just started to let the tension out of her muscles when he put his arms around her and rolled. The world turned on its head._

 _Hermione found herself at a loss looking down at him. He smirked back at her. He thought, if she insisted on these games, she was going to actively participate. He bucked his hips and hoarsely commanded her to ride._

 _She moved experimentally. It wasn't any riding she had ever done before. He threw up his hips again, driving himself through to sensitive spots she hadn't realized she'd had. Then again, their last encounter was nothing but the awkward pain of breaking maidenhood._

 _They kept a breakneck pace, his nails digging into her hips and muttering obscenities at her- was a whore like her supposed to be this tight? She whispered how much she hated him and despised him, the shame in her eyes telling him that she was repulsed at her own actions. She wanted to punch him again. His perfect little nose was already swelling, blossoming black and blue with blood dripping from one nostril. Her hands had done that, crafted that work of art. For a bastard like him, it was an improvement._

 _She should stop. Run, before she destroyed herself and him. Hermione could only imagine the sickening pride it gave him to witness the fall of the upright and courageous Gryffindor Princess._

 _She arched her back as she came. She bent over and pressed her forehead to his sweaty neck._

 _"I think you broke my nose," he said as an afterthought._

 _Granger huffed. The sweat on their bodies cooled before they moved apart._


	5. night before

It was different, the night before his trial … " hermione said pushing her curls off her sticky tear covered face. "he was different… and I think that's when it really started"

 _6 years before_

 _That day was also Draco's last day before his trial. She had spoken with Draco earlier, the first time she had sought him out since their last regrettable encounter. She offered to keep him company until it was time. Perhaps they could talk . He refused her then. The heir to the Malfoy mansion insisted he didn't need support like some silly girl. It should have offended her, but she knew he was too proud to admit that he was nervous. All the pride and snobbery in the world couldn't hide a man's fear of an Azkaban sentence._

 _Though he had said no, she still followed him from the dining hall._

 _"Go already, you stupid witch," he said, spinning around to face her in the hall._

 _A sharp retort was forming in her mind, but his hand on her wrist stopped her. His gaze focused on the wall, but he was clearly speaking to her._

 _"Follow me."_

 _He steered them back down the hall. Hermione reluctantly trailed after him. They ran into no one, reminding Hermione of what opportunities they'd taken in the past to attack each other. No witnesses meant inexplicable bruises later for Ginny to cluck over. But somehow she knew it wouldn't come to that again, not fists and only fists. When they stopped in front of a large heavy door, she realized that they were back at their classrooms. Draco opened the door and beckoned her inside. His expression was unfathomable._

 _As soon as she was across the threshold, he carefully shut the door behind her. They still hadn't looked each other in the eye. Hermione couldn't stop the uncomfortable feeling wending its way up from her toes and wrapping itself like ribbons around her thighs. When he finally turned, she recognized the shine in those stormy eyes. The darkening of the blue irises._

 _She stepped back. "We're in a classroom!"_

 _"Yes," he replied. He came up close to her. One hand tangled itself in the tunic near her waist. "And that over there is a very large desk."_

 _A panicked voice inside her wanted to yell that they should play this game any more. And yes, she'd started it, but this wasn't what she wanted. It was supposed to be a bad dream. But it wasn't as if either of them could forget._

 _"Do you want me to make it easy for you?" His hot breath tickled the fine hairs on her ear._

 _After a pause, she nodded._

 _He punched her in the gut. Air rushed out of her lungs as she doubled over. Hermione wrapped her arms around herself. Draco waited placidly. When she recovered, Hermione kicked him hard in the kneecap. She wanted nothing more to break his nose again, but he had an Ordeal to look forward to. The last thing they needed was for someone to ask questions._

 _As Draco hopped back, putting all his weight on his good knee, Hermione launched herself forward. Suddenly his arms were full of Hermione, who had wrapped her legs around his waist and thrown her arms around his neck. The blond was forced to put his other leg down, his knee screaming in pain as he held her up. Her plan all along, the little witch._

 _He called her a cow as he staggered over to the desk. She was smaller than him. He could have handled her just fine if he didn't feel like his right leg wanted to give out. He dumped her on the desk and tried to force back the tears of pain gathering at the corner of his eyes._

 _This time with him in control, Draco dragged out the length of their encounter to new self-loathing records. Between the second and third time, Hermione wondered if it was because he actually feared this might be his last day a free man._


	6. was i dead?

"that doesn't seem very different" slaid watching Her move about her home pick up things here and there. "that wasn't…..what happened after his trial …. That was different." She said as she walked in to the kitchen. "tea?"

"thank you" blaise took the cup.

"he was so … not Draco, after his trial" she said looking into her tea cup.

 _Feb 6 years before_

 _It was late enough that her eyes strained to read. Hermione prepared herself for bed and thought that Draco might already be in the minestry. What would she feel lif he didn't walk out a free man. Would he get the Kiss… or just years locked up in there to make him crazy._

 _Her mind fixated on the possibilities even after she fell asleep._

 _Hermione hadn't realized she had screamed until the portrait abover her bed yelled her name to wake her up, like she did every time she had a nightmare. It was then that Hermione realized she was crying._

 _"What's wrong?" the lady asked softly._

 _war_

 _"I...I dreamed he was dead." Hermione wiped her tears off with the sleeve of her bedclothes. Years of training helped her get herself under control. She was breathing calmly within moments while the lady and the knight continued to watch her._

 _"I'm alright," she insisted. "It was just a dream."_

 _"Alright then child" the knight said and went back to his resting._

 _"perhaps you should get dressed and go find him" the lady insisted knowingly._

 _"yes" Hermione fell back onto her bed and waited for her cheeks to dry._

 _Ice and white_

 _The day his father died_

 _There the funeral_

 _There his family, draped in night_

 _Azure eyes hard like stone_

 _Watching him sit on broken bones_

 _There his wife_

 _As muscle and red and silver and satin and heels_

 _Standing tall and waving goodbye as she is off to work_

 _While he tended books and ledgers_

 _Ink on his fingers_

 _Screaming dirty children around him,_

 _not his children, somehow he knows._

 _Pawing for his attention, his gold, his death_

 _So they can slaughter each other to see_

 _Who shall sit on his bones next_

 _Arms too atrophied to hold a wand_

 _All he wants is silence_

 _And a meaningful death_

 _He cannot wait to see his wife's face again_

 _If only to beg her to cast that curse_

 _End his pain, this blighting constance_

 _He dies with a bag of money in his frail hand_

 _There his cold body and his widow in her silver heels_

 _Beautiful and draped in night._

 _When he left the Room, they were waiting. His mother appeared very proud—more like approving—but he was distracted by how relieved Hermione looked. Her Dark eyes looked at him like she had not seen him in months. She stood there in a Jade Green, silvery gray dress hemmed in black (Slytherin colors, he never thought he would ever see them on her) as if she were a dainty pureblood lady , waiting for her wizard to pull through. She kept her distance. Blaise was holding Draco steady by his arm and leading him toward the door. Still, Draco's eyes kept searching Hermione out as he departed. There she was, smiling. There, face blank. And again... but this time, not looking at him at all. Then there she was once more, and he thought she was wearing her own armor already and she seemed so much like his, he almost couldn't stand it._

 _He let Blaise lead him away to get cleaned up and tried to get the odd images out of his head._

 _"I need to see her," he rasped to his dark skinned friend._

 _Blaise frowned. "What?"_

 _"I need to see her alone," Draco repeated._

 _"Ah," Blaise said when he followed his friend's gaze. "I'll send for her."_

 _He still hadn't dressed when she entered his room. His shirt was off and he was holding a washcloth loosely in one hand that rested on his knee. Draco did not even notice that she had arrived. Hermione cleared her throat._

 _"Come here," he commanded._

 _She went forward in three fluid strides and knelt by him to look up into his face._

 _"Congratulations. You did well...Draco." The words sounded hollow to her, but she did not know what else to say. He stared at her like he was staring at some creature who did not know how to speak Common. His gaze drifted away again, toward the floor. He seemed far away, as if his mind was still inside his trial._

 _"Did you dream last night?" he asked._

 _Hermione paused. "I did."_

 _"About me."_

 _She paused. "Yes, about you."_

 _"Was I dead?"_

 _His question made her shiver. The gods had a hand in this, she knew. She had no idea why they might, but their presence, no matter how indirect, felt like cold ghostly fingers combing through her flesh. Draco looked at her when she did not answer._

 _"I feel dead," Draco whispered. He closed his hands and opened them again, spreading out his fingers. "I'm frozen through and through."_

 _Hermione touched his arm. Ice. She took the washcloth off his knee and went over to the basin of water. The water had just stopped steaming, but she found it was warm enough when she dipped in her hand and moistened the cloth. She picked up a blanket from his bed and threw it around him. He did not stop her. She knelt in front of him again and wiped his sweaty brow with the cloth. Her palms covered his clammy cheeks to share the heat from her body. Should she alert Blaise or Narcissa? Hermione did not feel confident in leaving Draco the way he was even for a moment._

 _"Still cold?" she asked gently, as if he were a child._

 _Draco did not respond, but closed his eyes. Hermione rose up on her knees and slipped her arms underneath the blanket and around his torso. His blanket closed around them both. His skin was smooth, but cold like some poor muggle found in the road in the winter, frozen to death at night. She charmed the blanket and They stayed that way for a few more moments while Hermione rubbed her hands up and down his smooth planes of his back until she could feel the warmth returning to his body. Such close bodily contact made her feel awkward, but she was more concerned with Draco's wellbeing than any problems either of them had about intimacy. This was the first time they had ever held each other without inflicting pain. Alien was not the word to describe it. It didn't come close._

 _"I am a Free man,cleared of all charges." she heard him whisper. "And I am not dead."_

 _Hermione shook her head and watched her breath unsettle wisps of his blond hair. "No. You are not dead."_

 _"You would be free of me if I were dead," he remarked after a few more moments. He looked as if he wanted to say more, but did not elaborate._

 _"I would not prefer a world where you were dead, even if you do vex me," she replied._

 _"You say that now..."_

 _The acid in his tone let her know that he had come out of the fog, so she did not feel too bad about pinching him in his side as hard as she could. It helped the pink return to his skin anyway._

 _"ow" he half laughed as he wrapped his arms around her once more, his lips meeting her shoulder before he buried his head in her hair and fell asleep._


	7. he let her walk away

**SUPER SHORT ...SORRY GUYS!**

"We ended it once." Hermione told him as we watched her walk around fingering dracos things "we just… it wasn't right, so he let me walk away. That was before…" she trailed off and was once again lost in thought, and all blaise could do was watch his bestfriends almost widow mourn for him.

 _5 years before._

 _She cleared her throat. To get his attention._

 _"I think we should stop this."_

 _He rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his palm. "am I not good enough for you any more, Granger?"_

 _"I wasn't talking altogether. I meant... this." Here she pointed to his lip. "This has gone too far. This isn't how..."_

 _"Touch me."_

 _His unpremeditated command startled both of them. She stared at him. He cleared his throat._

 _"Touch me without hurting me and tell me what you're thinking."_

 _She hesitantly reached out and cupped his face. Her thumb strayed toward his red lip but stopped short._

 _"So?" he asked, his mouth quirked on one side in that usual infuriating way when he thought he was right._

 _Hermione withdrew her hand and scowled. "I want to slap that look off your face."_

 _"Exactly my point." And here he licked the blood off his lip again. It stung, but it was worth it to see the revulsion cross her expression. She began to pick up her other garments. He thought to pull her back, but let her dress. Watched her go. not knowing that the next time he saw her. It wouldn't be like this. The next time he saw her, it would change everything._


	8. tell them i was jealous

"it was almost three years until I saw him again. there wasn't a day that I didn't think about him at least once... and when I got my engagement letter, it took me almost two months to open it. I was so scared... I don't know if I was scared it would be him, or if I was scared it wouldn't be." she looked up her face sad and tired, she looked so broken and Blaise wished more than ever that he could fix her.

 _She felt as if she knew nothing. Her mind numb as she stared at the letter in her hands._ _Tears threatened to spill onto her burning cheeks. Of all the laws…. Of all the people to be matched with._

 _Hermione Granger, in three months time, would become Hermione Malfoy._

 _Hermione stepped out of her office, time to face the music. Every one would surely know by now. The matches had been posted in the prophet that morning . turning around she immediately stopped._

 _She hadn't seen Malfoy in almost three years._ _When she had ended it._

 _"_ _Draco"_

 _He nodded slightly "Granger."_

 _"_ _Hi" she said shyly not sure why he was here. "mother told," he paused and stuffed his hands in his pockets "mother asked" he corrected " me to invite you and yours… to a banquet this evening to …celebrate our…. Encouraged engagement. "_

 _"_ _oh um"_

 _"_ _will you be there or not granger"_

 _Ah there was the Malfoy she remembered. "yes"_

 _With a slight nod to show he had heard her, he was gone._

 _Telling Harry and Ginny had gone smoother than she had thought, but Ron turned out to be a bit of a problem. Making idle threats and pouting like a child._

 _"_ _there Is nothing I can do about it Ron. It's a magical Law. In three months time I will be a Malfoy there is nothing any of us can do about it. Now I am going to this party tonight…. And you can show up…. Or not. Its up to you"_

 _Apperating to the gates outside Malfoy manor. She felt ill. She wasn't sure she could make herself go in there._

 _"I'm sorry," the lean figure said from the shadows. "I didn't mean to frighten you."_

 _She inclined her head to him. "Of course not, Parrin."_

 _Draco's cousin came forward holding something small in his hand. As he stepped closer, she realized it was a purple flower with a thick stem covered in fuzz. "I wanted to welcome my newest kinswoman to the family." He said sweetly handing it to her. Hermione carefully tucked it into her hair. Perrin watched the progress of the flower to its final resting place. He explained distractedly, "It's called a mountain bura. They're hardy things that weather the top of the mountain where none else dare to grow while staying so pretty."_

 _His expression seemed sincere. " thank you." She offered her hand, which he bent down to kiss. His lips were thin and dry. Hermione cleared her throat and smiled. "I was just off to answer the invitation of my future mother in law. An engagement feast I do believe."_

 _Perrin offered his arm. "Allow me. I will_ _apparate_ _us into the manor"_

 _Hermione permitted him to escort her to her new home. She kept her muscles relaxed though her mind was balanced on pins waiting for Perrin to expose his true intentions. They walked through the manor her heels clicking loudly threw their silence._ _When they reached the doorway to the banquet hall, he let her go and winked, vanishing into the crowd. She rocked onto her tiptoes to see where he had gone, afraid for any unfortunate souls to get in his way._

 _Hermione smiled at that and wished she could vanish just as easily .. She glanced down at herself and for the first time realized the detail that had been put into her cloths. The red dressed hugged her in all the right places and was cut short on her thighs, her silver heels made her tan legs look more elegant that she thought possible. The admiring looks from everyone around her made it difficult for Hermione not to give into the happiness that others seemed to be pretending to have for her. But when her eyes scanned the place at the table besides the visiting noble families, her long-suffering discipline was the only thing keeping her from frowning._

 _Draco glared at her. He only did so for a few moments, before turning to the people around him and smiling. He said something then, but she couldn't hear from where he was. Knowing his developed act, he was probably bragging about her to the people who did not know the couple so well. Narcissa held up a hand to summon her to the table, but stopped when her son abruptly left his seat and made his way over to her._

 _"Well, what are you waiting for? Music! Food! Enjoy!" Draco called, bringing his hands up in the air to summon the group of entertainers he had hired to frolic in front of his guests._

 _He took her by the arm and led her out the other door, towards the grounds where dozens of carriages and tents had been pitched to accommodate all the people who had arrived. The rooms were filled with family members and the highest ranking guests. Hermione watched the streaming banners and pennants and turned to ask why he had brought her outside. You would think this a wedding, not an engagement announcement._

 _There was a tug in her hair. Her right comb started to come loose. Before she knew it, Draco had crushed the mountain bura under his heel. He dug a shallow hole in the dirt with one well aimed back-kick with his other boot heel, then rolled the flower's remains into it. He moved his foot again and covered the hole in one sweep._

 _"Explain yourself!" Hermione demanded._

 _Draco stared at her gravely. "Tell me you didn't smell it."_

 _"What?"_

 _"Did you smell the flower? Hold it for too long? Let some of the stem juice touch you?"_

 _Hermione felt her gut clench like a fist. His reaction started to make sense now, but to acknowledge it would mean to accept the fact that she had been that close to death or illness without even knowing it._

 _"Poison?"_

 _Draco glanced back at the doors that led inside. He sneered. "Perrin, was it? You should know better."_

 _"Know better? I'd never seen the flower before," she replied. How could he act so calm about a poisoning attempt within his own family? Hermione had the right mind to go inside and demand that Perrin leave, even if she created a scandal. A poisonous flower, so deadly from just its scent and its essence, sitting right there against her head! She could have only been more angry if Perrin had given someone else the flower, someone who could not avenge themselves on him like she could._

 _"It was a gift from Perrin," Draco said. "That's all you need to know to dispose of it. It's an uncommon poison. Try the wrong antidote and you make the poison worse, though the antidote itself is very common." He paused. "Maiden's veil, boiled... should you need it." He moved toward her again, surprising her by reaching up to replace her comb. His fingertips glided against her hair as he combed the strands out and twisted the hair so it stayed when he inserted the comb again._

 _Hermione glimpsed parts of his face through his moving hands. "Why do you keep Perrin near if he makes so many attempts against you? Why not send him away?"_

 _Her_ _fiancé_ _smirked. "Men who banish their malcontents are often found up in arms against them when the rebels return with an army at their backs. I can control him and his influences if I keep him on a leash." He lowered his hands and gazed out beyond the gates and walls that surrounded his family's ancestral home. "Trust me. If I send my cousin away, it will be in a coffin. Come."_

 _His hand was warm in hers, yet Hermione felt a shiver go down her spine. She could not picture any man in her family being so ruthless as to evaluate those of his own flesh and blood as threats to be constantly monitored. Draco's family history seemed to inform his whole personality, now that she thought about it._

 _"If anyone asks," Draco continued in a low voice. "About the flower, that is... Tell them I was jealous."_

 _"You might want to try something a bit more believable."_

 _He yanked her closer and breathed against her ear close enough that his nose disturbed the fine hairs there. "How believable is this?" his lips on her neck made her knees weak and she wanted to punch him for it._


	9. where we left off

"We didn't speak for weeks after the wedding….. and you were there for that… it was a disaster. It was supposed to be beautiful and it was terrible …. Draco hated me. The night before we to set out on the Necromancer mission, he came to me. I hadn't realized that I missed him until then. "Blaise watched her sip her wine as he recalled the uncomfortable situation that was his best friend's wedding the the beautiful witch in front of him.

 _The night before they set out, Draco turned to her in the cramped inn bed. "Forget you hate me for tonight and let's continue where we last left off. Or better yet, keep hating me. You were always more ardent when you professed your resentment of me."_

 _She rolled over. "What is wrong with you? You ignore me for weeks and suddenly you want to roll around the night before we report to our posts? Have you ever tried to be nice? Maybe I'd be more receptive."_

 _"I ignored you? You're the one who was suddenly modest in the damn bath," he retorted. "You came to me before, punching and kicking and biting, clawing like a damn wild cat. Remember?"_

 _"So?"_

 _Her husband leaned over her. "So when did this change? You have my ring on your finger now. Now that you're Lady Malfoy do you feel you have to act normal? That whatever this is can no longer be acceptable? Forget it. You and I hate each other and it always feels better when we do."_

 _She slapped him. Then without thinking about it she pushed him onto his back and kissed him. He pulled her leg over so that Hermione straddled him. She called him an asshole even as she felt him harden against the junction between her thighs. Her heart was pounding in her chest. The crooked smile on his face was maddening._

 _Yes, he was right. This went beyond the impetuous moments after she threw love out on its rear and came to him to convince herself that love was not what she needed. She had other things to do with her life! She had to get to America and find the man poor children for dark magic. There was no time for emotions. She could just let this be what it was. A weakness of the body. An unavoidable need. The exorcism of demons. But that's all she would let it be. There were better things for her to dedicate herself to._

 _His hands slid up her thighs and divested her of her nightshirt. In a flurry of furious tugging they cast off the rest of their garments and came together again in a clash of teeth and lips. Draco yelped a little as if he'd forgotten what it was like for his lip to bleed._

 _"You bitch! Don't leave a mark where people will see. It will raise questions!"_

 _Hermione almost cried. Denied her refuge._

 _He tipped her onto her side and curled around her, mouthing her neck just so she felt his teeth but he did not bite. Hermione made a noise of protest. He was being too gentle. This wasn't what she wanted him to be. Draco had to be someone who hit her just as hard as she hit him, not her husband. The bed dipped down beneath them as he pressed her into the soft quilting. He licked the skin behind her ear and brought her hand to his back, curling his fingers so the nails pressed painfully into the back of her hand._

 _She breathed in sharply._

 _"Where they won't see," he whispered with a chuckle._

 _Hermione smiled at him. She realized she had never before smiled at him and meant it._

 _His growl rumbling through his chest made itself felt against her breasts. She scraped her nails against his back as he pushed into her. Draco's mouth moved from her ear to her shoulder, sucking at the skin before biting it. She knew dimly that he was biting harder. His thrusting did more than enough to distract her. A calloused hand gripped the underside of her thigh. She wondered if he thought how muscular her own thighs were, if it bothered him. Hermione relaxed her hands against his back and instead glided up to his shoulder blades, then his upper arms. The muscles bunched under her hands, reminding her of her muscles but much harder. Maybe this is why he needed the pain. Not to hate, like her, but to forget who he was with._

 _Draco moaned into her neck as he picked up his pace and thrust a bit harder. Hermione ran her fingers back down his back which was covered with sweat. A bead hung off his ear. Without thinking she licked it off. A strangled groan escaped his mouth before Draco lifted his head. With the hand that was braced near her head, he tugged her hair until she faced him. He kissed her again, tongue insinuating itself between her lips. Heat curled through her lower regions. She broke away, chest heaving, before pulling against the pain of her tautly pulled hair to kiss him again. The closer they came to the pinnacle, the tighter they held on to each other until their perspiration mingled and their panting was deafening in each others ears._

 _"Ah!" Hermione squeezed her eyes shut, riding out her satisfaction with back arched while Draco continued to draw forth the pleasure from her body with practiced ease. He cried out as his climax took him soon after, muttering obscenity after obscenity against her overheated skin while his hips eventually ceased to pump against her._

 _After some time, Draco shifted to the side. He nuzzled her neck, waking Hermione from her blissful haze. She got up on one elbow and looked at him as if just realizing he was there. Draco blinked. They stared at each other for a long while before he cleared his throat and rolled onto his back. Hermione drew up the blanket to cover them though her skin was still too hot._

 _"This is usually the part where one of us leaves," Draco murmured._

 _They looked at each other. The rest of the rooms of the inn were filled with healers and auror officers. Nowhere to go._

 _Hermione draped her forearm over her eyes. "Just blow out the candle and go to sleep."_


	10. something had changed

" I left for america first…. Draco had to stay here incase our necromancer showed up here. While I was away Draco fell ill…. I almost lost him then… I thought that was going to be the worst day in my life, I didn't love him, but I was terrified to be with out him."

Blaise remembered that, she had been gone nearly two months and Draco still wasn't sent after her but remained here. he remembered sending for Hermione to return she was the only person Draco wanted anything to do with. Draco loved her, even then. Blaise knew even if no one else did… .Draco had always loved Hermione, and now after hearing the way she speaks of him, he knew Hermione had always loved him too, what they thought was hatred was just confused loved…. There is a fine line he decided.

 _"What news do you bring?" she demanded. For the second time of the man standing in front of her._

 _The man bowed to her and tried to wipe the dirt off his face with equally dirty hands._

 _"Your husband,lady Malfoy."_

 _Hermione blinked. "My husband what?"_

 _"Hermione," George interrupted. He put a hand on her shoulder and looked deep into her eyes with a compassionate expression. "Mione, they're sending for you. Malfoy…, Draco is dying."_

 _The world came to a stop. She searched George 's face for the hint that this was a joke. He remained grim. When the world restarted again, Hermione had sufficiently suppressed any impulses towards personal reaction into a compact ball resting underneath her heart. It weighed heavily like lead._

 _She put George in charge in her absence after he explained what had happened. At first, she would not go. She went over George's duties, spoke with the sergeants, and even the clerks._ _She would have set up a port key, but it was not clear how much time Draco had._ _Hermione could not wait that long. So she went under the moonlight and with a soft_ _whisper of hope she turned quickly and_ _Apparated_ _and she could only hope she landed in Malfoy manor, without splinching._

 _The Heritage of Malfoy read:_

 _"None may touch the lord except his lady, who will stay with him until the end. In tending his deathbed, she shall be alone also, for deep is the bond between man and wife. In this last way she shall serve him until death leads him by the hand."_

 _Hermione considered herself too young and too new a wife to go through another ritual of this family. When she reached the Manor, her mind was set on forcing Draco into living if she had to spoon-feed him all the curatives she could get her hands on._

 _The gates opened at her approach. The only other female was Narcissa, and Hermione looked nothing like her, so Hermione had become recognizable to people she had never met.. A healer came outside to meet her and immediately started retelling events. Collin came running, giving his condolences and saying that Harry would meet with her after she had seen to her husband's comfort. With both the healer and Collin speaking at the same time, Hermione felt her grip on reality starting to loosen. Was Draco really dying with healers helpless to do anything?_

 _They reached the door of the infirmary. The healer frowned with his whole face tensed. He reminded her of a withered apple. "It's odd, miss. We healed the stab wound in his shoulder and the gash on his arm, but some substance was on the blade that injured him. A poison, maybe, resistant to our efforts."_

 _Stabbed, poison, resistant._

 _Hermione went in. With a confirming nod from the healer, she went to him._

 _He was pale and covered in a layer of sweat so thick his skin shined as if it were polished. Hermione took a cloth from a bowl of water on his bedtable and started to dab Draco's face and neck. His fine hair stuck to his skin. Breath puffed from his lips, but Hermione could barely feel it when she raised the back of her hand near his mouth._

 _"What are you doing for him?" she asked quietly._

 _The healer sighed. "None of the normal treatments for poisons work. We cannot even figure out which poison it is." The stressed soul looked to be at the end of his tether. "And this with his cousin dead, too! I am so sorry for your family's tragedy, miss. There was nothing I could do for him. That one was drained of life even when they brought him back."_

 _Hermione held up a hand to signal silence. She could distantly recognize her own trembling. Tears on her cheeks? No. But her nails bit into her palms as she stood and faced him._

 _"Who?"_

 _"Perrin, miss."_

 _She was not surprised. She breathed out slowly and said in a low voice, "Take me to him."_

 _Well, she thought. Perrin looked asleep. Save for his one fatal wound he appeared as if he would rise and attack her at any moment. Hermione took in the beautiful Perrin's neck where a dagger had been lodged. The weapon itself had been left where it was, perhaps to keep the blood from flowing everywhere. She yanked it. Hermione felt no need to be careful. The thickened dark blood dripped out and made a pattering sound against the wood of the cart, like cake batter dripping in a kitchen._

 _The dagger, just as she suspected, was hers. Only after she arrived in America had she realized her Raven Armory dagger was missing. It made sense that Draco had taken it. She did not know if he took it because he liked its quality or because it belonged to her. He didn't have need of her Muggle weapons._ _But he had taken it and here it was. She did not have to think long to reconstruct events as they most likely had happened. "im glad he killed you, I only wish he would have done it sooner, youre lucky he got you before I could"_

 _"That's unlike you," a new voice said._

 _Hermione turned and came face to face with Harry, scar and all. He watched her with his hands clasped patiently behind his back. She noted he did not look angry, but ready to receive an explanation-and by the looks of it, he expected it to be a damn good explanation._

 _She kept her voice low. "I honor life, but even I am finding it difficult to honor a traitorous, would-be murderer."_

 _who had access to mountain buras, what she already knew of Perrin's hostility towards herself and her husband, as exemplified by his actions at her own engagement party. She felt this cold rage in her that made her feel like someone else. Perrin had threatened her at the party at Malfoy Manor and here he had almost succeeded in killing her husband, his own cousin._

 _"Do you have proof of this besides that dagger and a history of malice?"_

 _"_ _ **Maidens Vail, boiled should you need it**_ _" Draco's voice played threw her head._

 _Hermione turned toward the healer. "Give boiled maiden's veil to my husband. He will live."_

 _And Draco did live. By the next morning, his fever had broken and the head healer expected him to wake at any moment. Hermione took a washcloth and began wiping away the sweat from his upper body so he would be more refreshed by the time he awakened. As her hands glided over his chest and shoulders, she thought of him looking at her...watching the beads of water roll down her back as she had dried herself in front of him. She thought of encounters in hallways, hands on her wrists, and fingers dancing along her back undoing ties. She thought of his hands and the fit of his gloves. Hermione held one of his hands and wondered if he used the gloves like he had used the dagger. When she looked up again, he was awake._

 _His lips were dry, pinkish white with lines of red where they cracked. He licked them and rasped, "What are you doing here?"_

 _Hermione dropped his hand. She adjusted his pillows as he sat up. He watched her like some foreign creature, but made no move to stop her. When he was comfortable, she retreated to the end of his bed where she folded a newly laundered blanket to hide her nervousness._

 _"Are you going to answer me?"_

 _Hermione met his gaze. "They sent for me."_

 _"They?"_

 _"The healers here. They sent for me—" She stopped, but did not look away. Her eyes resembled that of a cornered animal. It didn't suit her._

 _"Sent you to tend my deathbed," he finished. He smiled grimly. "I told you that you would become accustomed to these family traditions of ours."_

 _She stood up. "The healer will want to know you're awake."_

 _"Tell me he's dead."_

 _It was not difficult to tell who he meant. Her dagger was cleaned and placed on the bedtable in its sheath. Hermione pointed to it._

 _"It was in up to the hilt. Of course he's dead." She paused. "I had him buried last night. Not on Malfoy land."_

 _The pride that flashed across his features made her feel important, then sickened that she had felt so. A man was dead that deserved it, but he was still dead._

 _Draco nodded. "you did well."_

 _She ignored his last comment. "I need to get the healer. Don't move. I'll fetch you some breakfast, too. A nice porridge."_

 _"I don't wish to be treated like an invalid. I'm only injured."_

 _"You could have died."_

 _"But I'm not dead. Hermione"_

 _"Not today."_

 _Her back was already turned, so she did not see him watch her every step. When she was gone he reclined again and raised the hand she had been holding. Against the light, the creases on the palm on the pads of his fingers looked like they always had. He studied it still. Something had changed._


	11. a lot like love

" I miss him so much Blaise. I miss the way he looked at me when he use to have to force me to leave the library and the way he kissed me…. I remember the first time he kissed me…. I mean … really kissed me… with out any of the violence we had come accustomed to he just … kissed me…. It was about three weeks after he had been poisoned when he finally made it to America…..he just… everything was so different."

 _She opened her door and found George standing there with the kind of grin on his face that she had started to get exasperated at if only for what it heralded._

 _"What is it?"_

 _"You will not believe who has just showed up in amaerica and has come in placement under your command."_

 _"Parkenson? Zabini? Someone else who hates me that I don't know?"_

 _George grabbed her hand excitedly and pulled her after him._

 _When she reached the front gate, the younger Aurors were welcoming him to their camp. When he saw her, he glanced around at the staring people and put his things down. Then he went straight to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Hermione stared at him wordlessly._

 _"Good to see you're in one piece. After what I'd heard, I thought you might be missing an arm or an eye by now."_

 _George was still grinning. He leaned towards Hermione's ear and whispered, "He's been temporarily assigned here while we look for the necromancers. I didn't clear a bunk for him. I expect that..."_

 _"You must be tired and hungry," Hermione interrupted, a little louder than she meant to do. "A bit of bread, maybe, and a nap? After that, we can talk about your duties and the rotation of chores. George, would you mind showing him his... my..."_

 _"Certainly," George answered. He patted her shoulder and waited for Draco to pick up his things and follow him inside._

 _She was left staring after them wondering why on earth Draco would let himself be put under her command. The past few years had shown he prized his solitude and especially his time away from her. His plan might be to undermine her recent deeds by trying to embarrass her in front of the group. He could publicly make a point of disobeying her as a commander and giving her orders as her lord and husband. Luckily, she knew her people would stand by her._

 _A woman who saw the exchange sidled up next to her._

 _"Who was that?"_

 _"That was my husband."_

 _"Aren't you pleased to see him?"_

 _"Thrilled," she muttered._

 _When he accepted his first rotation of chores at the mess without a fuss, she wondered if he had not been cleared of poison after all. They talked about how he would assist Collin in organizing the men for work and conducting the patrols. She asked If he though sending undercover scouts to see if they could find information was a good idea . Draco told her he thought it was a good idea._

 _"No, really. What do you think?"_

 _"I said it was good, didn't I?"_

 _"Yes, but you can't really mean it. You want to recommend that they keep searching and stay here where is safe and comfortable and that we shouldn't be sending our aurors into the hands of a dangerous wizard and … I for a know it all … I don't really now anything."_

 _He frowned. "Do I?"_

 _"You said as much when you heard about my assignment in April."_

 _"Maybe I did. But that was then, wasn't it? Why are you being so disagreeable?"_

 _Hermione started to walk away. "I'd rather not argue in public. My room."_

 _"I was not aware we were arguing," Draco replied. "I thought I was talking and you were refusing to believe the words out of my very mouth."_

 _She did not speak again until they were safe within her quarters. When she looked at her narrow bed, she realized she would have to share it with him. It wouldn't be the first bed they'd shared, but she had grown accustomed to his absence. Her body was now used to pain inflicted naturally, consequences of her insistence in doing all her duties the muggle way. His very presence set her at odds. So many years and she still did not know how to deal with him. He was acting too nice. With pride like his, how could he place himself under her command?_

 _"I told Potter that I was going to be the paradigm of a noble house in favor of blood equality in order to be assigned here." He leaned so close that she instinctively leaned back to avoid bumping foreheads with him. "So that's what I'll be whether you think it natural or unnatural."_

 _"Why did you want to be assigned here in the first place?" she demanded._

 _He started to crowd her backwards. With each step he took, she retreated another step. Three steps from the wall, Hermione grew fed up with the show of intimidation and stopped where she was. She narrowed her eyes at him, willing him to stop if he knew what was good for him. Draco continued toward her until they were toe to toe._

 _"What are you doing?" she asked._

 _Draco did not respond. Instead, with unblinking eyes, he leaned in and softly pressed his lips against hers. His lips were parted and she could feel his breath entering her mouth. His face was so close that her vision blurred trying to focus on him, but his pupils did not move at all. He moved backwards until he came into focus. She immediately noticed the absence of warmth where his lips had been._

 _"What was that for?"_

 _He appeared lost in thought. Then he licked his lips and said in a low voice, "I'm your husband, aren't I? Isn't it within my right?"_

 _The floor was opening up beneath her. Was anything what it was supposed to be? She frowned and tried to keep her voice steady. "I thought we had an understanding."_

 _"It was bad, then?"_

 _Hermione became as close to flustered as she ever got: she looked at her feet and continued in a frustrated voice. "What? No. I mean..." She shook her head. "I don't know. You caught me off guard."_

 _"Again, then."_

 _His hands were trembling—or maybe she was imagining it—when he cupped her face and brought her closer. Hermione leaned forward, her body as taut as a harp string. Draco's swallowed once before he parted his lips again and kissed her. She closed her eyes at first, but the kiss ended abruptly._

 _"Look at me," he whispered through clenched teeth. "You close your eyes and I could be anyone to you."_

 _So he still thought of the her school girl crush on Ronald even after everything they'd done. She had not seen Ron for a long time; the redhead had been out of her thoughts completely what with everything else going on in her life. Looking into Draco's intense blue eyes, she saw the hatred he bore inside-perhaps for the humiliation given him on her behalf or perhaps just for her. Hermione dug deep in her suddenly aching chest and forced out the courage into the light, as harsh and hot as it was._

 _"You're my husband," she told him firmly. "Who else would I kiss?"_

 _She could not read his reaction to that, but he paused before continuing._

 _He leaned toward her again and then there was blessed contact. Both pairs of eyes remained open again, the hot air from their nostrils mingling. She concentrated on the feel of him, the taste that was nothing, but distinctly him. He smelled like fresh laundry aired outside near a pine forest, or maybe that was her. She didn't know anymore what was her and what was him. Her hands reached up and covered his hands still holding on her face. Suddenly, Hermione saw his eyelids instead of blue irises and his hands were slipping from her jaw down her neck. She shut her eyes. Then, she moved her hands with his until they fell away from her body and their hands touched as loosely as their lips._

 _His lips were gone again, but his forehead remained pressed to hers. Hermione's head was swimming. He could read her confusion in the slight pulsing squeezes in her hands. He turned his head away and sighed._

 _"Draco."_

 _"Yes," was the muffled reply against her hair._

 _"What's happening?"_

 _He stepped back and shrugged, letting her hands go. "Nothing, nothing."_

 _After that, he left the room without looking her in the eyes. Hermione went to the window and stared outside. The clouds and the horizon had no answer for her either, but she watched them like she could see her future. She saw reds and oranges, verdant trees dappled with shadows, and the dusky earth with people milling about below her. None of the colors or the motions had any meaning, yet Hermione desperately wanted it all to mean something a lot like love._


	12. i am so sorry guys

I am so sorry for the lack of update. I am currently living in an RV in Oregon and I don't have internet service I also don't have power... but as soon as I find a stable place and can afford internet there will be updates galore. again I apologize.


	13. the point of breaking

"do you remember when the letters came? The ones that said that any couples married under that law were now null and void? The one that said me and Draco were no longer married, the one that said I was no longer a Malfoy? I never admitted it to him but… I hated those letters. I wish we would have stayed in Americas." Hermione looked down at her hands while she talked; she looked lost and still very broken. Blaise did remember those letters. He remembered how Draco had also hated those letters and had wished they had just stayed in America…. He recalled how Draco had told him that the only reason he had left her was because he thought it was what she wanted he had never seen Draco looking so...broken… and looking at her now it was clear to him that she had only let him leave her because she thought it was what he had wanted.

 _Their feet hit the floor with a soft thud, feeling a little light headed from the_ _Apparition_ _process.. only to be greeted by two huge ministry owls on their kitchen table…._

 _…._

 _Hermione stumbled forward onto the beach on hands and knees, just as a wave crashed against her. She fell forward onto her stomach, gasping for air as she tried to catch her breath. Her muscles screamed, her shoulders and arms trembling uncontrollably she was lucky she hadn't splinched herself. Her legs cramped, needles of pain crawling over her calves when she tried to stretch her legs. She knew better than to apperate when she was emotional but she had to get out of there. She couldn't just stand there and watch him pack his bags._

 _She rolled onto her back with a groan, her whole body protesting. Staring up at the starry sky, Hermione pushed the damp hair that clung to her cheeks out of her face, bringing herself up onto her elbows. She looked out at the water how the moonlight seemed to dance off of it, and she sighed, what was she gonna do now._

 _. She had left him behind without a word without even trying to make him stay. She hadnt even asked him if he actually wanted to leave her. She shook her head, She should have fought harder, insisted that he stay that they could make it work, or refused to let him leave unless he really wanted it. But his hesitant words had fed into her own anxiety, she trusted his words, he never lied. If she had stayed, something terrible would have happened._

 _"well….i ..umm..i guess that means we are free to go." Draco murmured, as he watched her read her letter._

 _"_ _right… I'll just umm…I'll let you pack in peace." The last thing she heard before she aperated was him calling out her name_

 _Hermione got to her feet slowly, her legs so weak that she thought she would fall over. A wave came up and rushed past her legs up to the knee, and she stepped back cautiously, knowing that another one like that would knock her down if she wasn't careful._

 _Her whole body trembled as she moved, not only from emotional exhaustion but also from the air that brushed over her damp skin and soaked clothes. She needed to get warm, but knew that she couldn't go home, she also knew that every one else was probably in a similar state… since every one in the magical world would have gotten annulment letters and paperwork today, and she was at eh point of Breaking and to proud to let any one see her that way._


	14. Taste like Sangria

"I returned home, I had hoped that he was still there. Waiting for me. But he wasn't, the house was clean but everything that was his, was gone." Hermione looked blankly back up at Blaise. Her hands shook slightly as she remembered crying on the floor. "it wasn't untill your weddin ghtat I saw him again…it was like he vanishied up untill then, I knew I missed him, but I knew I shouldn't say so"

 _By Blaise's wedding, . By that summer, Hermione had become almost numb, she missed him so much sometimes it felt like she might die. Not that she could tell any one. She didn't think ler lips had the capabilaty to say those words. Not even outloud to herself. So she let The thoughts file away like old paperwork until she saw him again. At Blaise's wedding, they dined and celebrated with everyone else. She glanced at him, he seemed cold and hard and very uninterested in her. "I guess it really was what he wanted" she stayed and she drank and she tried to forget and danced with Blaise (who insisted saying that he did not get to dance with her at her wedding and she had not even danced at her own wedding and by all the gods he could name he was going to see the sight before he died). One dance turned into another as her other acquaintances found they could coerce her into dancing in her merry state. At last, Draco replaced her current partner and led her through a stately waltz._

 _"_ _Draco" she said surprised_

 _"_ _hermione"_

 _And they dance._

 _Late in the evening, they went to bed heady with too much wine. As soon as the door was shut, he was on her all hands and lips and hips pressed against her. They managed to tumble into bed half clothed. He peeled her dress down underneath her breasts and kissed her collarbone. Hermione moved backward, bringing him with her as she fell onto the bed. He pushed up her skirts while she tried to hook the waist of his pants and drag them down with just her toes. His skin was flushed and warm._

 _"What are you giggling about?" he whispered into her ear. His tongue darted out to touch her earlobe._

 _She laughed. "Am I?"_

 _"Mmhmm," he hummed, right against the shell of her ear. "you tase like sangria"_

 _Her eyelashes fluttered. Too much feeling. Too much everything everywhere. He kissed the corner of her eyes, her cheek, her lips. She pushed his hair back and yanked him down against her and thrust her hips up. He groaned. The rest of their clothing came off quickly after that. For a brief moment they strained against each other, wrestling for the top position until Draco cursed at her. He slid between her legs as if it was where he belonged, the hairs on his thighs tickling her as he went._

 _With the ease of practice, he pressed forward and in, parting her and filling her. It was as if he was home. The room was spinning. She arched her back. Her bodywas on fire. The trail of hair underneath his bellybutton scratched her and she could feel the bones of his hips pressing into her. Then he started to slow down, taking his time pulling back and thrusting in hard and fast. He looked down at her with a wild gleam in his eyes. He bit his lip as he watched her pant, watched her move because he moved her._

 _He leaned down and slipped his sweaty hands underneath her body, squeezing her tight while pressing his forehead to her cheekbone. In response, she seemed to get tighter, that hot part of her that made him groan. She kissed his temple and folded her leg back farther toward her chest so her knee was almost at the back of his shoulder. Holding him to her tightly. He started muttering her name. She panted harder and rolled her hips to meet him as his thrusts became faster without losing force. It felt as if she were flying straight up into the blinding sun so hot she wanted to burst into a million stars._

 _She arched her back as he bowed into her and pressed his pelvis so hard forward that she had to stifle a loud cry. Their minds blanked from the sensations buzzing through them._

 _They floated down._

 _He buried his nose into her hair and exhaled. They lay there with Draco still slumped against her. Hermione felt herself drift asleep, sated and wrapped in a cocoon of warmth. But something still stood at attention in her mind. Hermione licked her lips. He was asleep. But the words he wishpered against her neck in the middle of their heat would keep her up most the night._

 _"oh gods I've missed you"_


End file.
